If you scare your self half to death twice, would you still be alive?

Please note;
That title there, it is not mine. I did not make it up. Though, I sure do wish I did, and This Resurgence, Re-visitation, Return, it does not mean anything. Maybe all this is explained by the following comment:

I have this overwhelming urge to apologize to all, alive or deceased.

warning

so. i absolutely cannot wait for tomorrow. for a lot of reasons. and im no optimist,

not because i was laid off last thursday and will be entering yet another manufacturing plant in this region making it my third in the last year and two months, all in some blued attempt (ill leave that for you to interpret, "blued attempt") at being converted from temporary employee with little to no benefits to permanent union, etc, etc, blah. three plants, over a year, sometimes not having a day off for four months at a time. sure, it doesnt make sense. nothing does really. but my agenda is full and i now do whatever i am supposed to do, or try to at least. so vague. right? sure.

no, im not anticipating november 5, 2008 because of that.

nor am i looking forward to tomorrow like i used to. the down-trodden (if thats the right hyphenated word(s) to use), bleak attitude that sustained me for so many years. tomorrow used to be about one day closer to, well, the end. not anymore. but happiness isnt sexy, you know. its annoying. this disturbing mental state, its over-rated. i like content. im very content. with a whole bunch of anger somewhere. anyway.

dan rather was just thinking on the television. not talking. thinking.

tomorrow, november 5, 2008. its a big day, man. huge. and the best part,
-no more commercials telling me:

• mccain is a shorter version of bush
• obama plays with racists and terrorists
• mccain is another bush
• obama is a terrorist
• mccain and his so-called tax breaks
• obama and his so-called tax-and-spend
• mccain and iraq (come to think of, they quit talking about the war so much...hm)

election years are terrible. absolutely terrible. and i have yet to find someone who will convince me that all this matters. that a single voice matters. that a vote matters. that someone whos been laid off three times in one year, makes at or near the poverty line for a family of three, that isnt a plumber, that owes more money than theyll ever make, thats hasnt relied on the government for help, doesnt want to rely on anyone for help...eh, forget it. im angry today. and tired.

stop by and say hi!

writing without conjunctions is hard

william faulkner worked 6p to 6a as a 'coal passer' in a power plant where he wrote As I Lay Dying in six weeks and four out of the last five presidents were left-handed and dali says you should not fear perfection for you will never attain it;

i came across, and reluctantly browsed, a yahoo! news article about the 2008 presidential candidates and the meaning of their signatures. apparently, all three are strong in ego and ambition (good to know). a couple may or may not have pride in their respective families/culture (sad), and they are all real smart. this is scientific evidence. maybe. i must use this analysis. it could mean something. it has to. maybe this was the tie-breaker i was searching for, if i am allowed to vote. i would suggest to all to do this...but, since there is an audience willing to receive such information when choosing the best possible individual to lead this country into even more strife, despair (yes, i said despair - look around, you will find it) that currently plagues this era, my suggestion is not necessary.

i still think the one that can win a triple threat steel cage lumberjack wrestling match with no disqualifications (no dq) is the best way to choose a 'leader'. any leader really. there would be no need to vote, no campaigning with all that dirty mud flying around (i should add a reminder that voting does not matter, does not count because, if it did, al gore would have saved the world as president rather than win oscars for a documentary about our dying planet - he did win one, right? - also, note that in no way whatsoever will i endorse al gore for president). moving on. by the way, he sure looked righteous with the beard.

a legend, if you would like, for the match and stipulations i have stated above:
- triple threat means three opponents (but you deduced that already, i am sure), no teams, the winner is the one who gets the pin (does not matter who pins who - or is it whom? i should sleep soon)
- steel cage is just that, ten foot-plus walls surrounding the ring; traditionally, one could win this match by a pin or by climbing over the top of the cage, spiderman-ing it down the other side allowing the feet-touching-the-ground victory; sadly, for the participants, this will not be allowed
- lumberjack is tricky here as this is where outside the ring on the floor a very large number of men and/or women accumulate and wait to throw the contestant back in to the ring if said contestant tries to make a run for it. the trick in this situation is, you may be asking, 'are they not already in a cage from which they cannot escape?' the answer is 'yes, lab partner, they are in a cage, but...there is a door (to the cage) and it is not locked.' the lumberjacks attendance assures such a cowardly exit to the contest in such a political (pun) way will not occur; a large number of lumberjacks installed in this fashion is merely for effect, show, excitement; let me be entertained for this is why i came

-no dq means just that, no rules; this is a gift to the contestants and weapons are cool

this proposition is ridiculous and riddled with trailer-park-natty-ice humor and certainly i am not the first to birth such an inspiration. but the metaphor is solid. to me anyway. the cage represents no easy win, no cut-and-run while encouraging shock-and-awe, heart, commitment. they would be/should be fighting for you, no? the lumberjacks exist as, in reality, accountability does not. and no dq is there simply as an olive branch to the candidates. who does not like to 'break the rules'? politics.


whew. test. number one is done. i think.
an all my love and a goodnight.

where have i gone?

i think i may be trying to transition this blog, blog is some word...from purely personal and vain to mostly opinionated.

i have had a few, so bear with me (how did a bear ever get associated with patience?).

personally, though, it should be noted, examined, i am exhausted in every consonant of that word.

seems i have taken to reading way too much about this political thing going on. as well: the economy and everything that is taxing (pun) every one. and now i want to write about it and feel, when i do have enough empirical data and ridiculously over-punctuated views because that is why blogs were invented, that now i am ready - it is a good time. maybe.

me thinking i am important enough that some one wants read what i think about global warming and current weather phenomena, nascar, the war in iraq and afghanistan, mixed martial arts, companies like the one i work for, steroids in baseball, "going green", wrestling as a sports entertainment vehicle, conflicts with iran, north korea (and, eventually, russia and china - of which certainly a great amount of attention must be paid today), gasoline/oil, israel/palestine, the problem with professional basketball, why soccer sucks, the cost of the egg, microsoft getting slapped, commercial planes flying even after failing federal safety audits, the domestic "war" on terror fleecing civil liberties, men having sex in the bathroom during their lunch break and getting caught but not stopping, history happening again and today is nothing new accept for decreases in accountability and respect, how my vote does not count and will not ever matter, the cycle that is the music industry, the most innovative films to date, why classic literature is called "classic", why the pope is terrifying, and, though not lastly, why legacy matters.

but this direction is needed. for me. in all my years, i have finally reached a conclusion that i cannot stop thinking. this has no direct impact on my actions for those alone only teach me as i grow older through victories and defeats. apathetic as i have tried to be, i have realized that i was merely running out of fear...someone said, i am sure, but even if they did not, then i am saying it now, life is a search full of questions and i am given the tools to seek answers, regardless their potency or truth - if it is true to me then that is all it is, meaning what is true to me may not be the same for you. and that is ok. just fine. i would not want it any other way.

all my love.

The Cold War, or Oil and Water

fomr Cherry Bleeds June 2007